I Think I’m Clever: Unasked-For Advice
A dear friend of mine seems to think I am far more resilient than I actually am. Why? In my late twenties, I took a long, hard look around me, and ultimately walked away from people I loved. Why was I able to look at people I loved, people who weren’t all bad (just bad for me), and decide enough was enough–and actually walk away?
When I was younger, the most romantic thought in my head was that someone could love me unconditionally, in spite of all my flaws and faults and myriad poor life choices–so I made that my goal in my endeavors. To be able to love people (friends, family, romantic partners) without conditions. That road? The road of absolute, unconditional, “I will do anything, put up with anything, sacrifice anything for you” kind of love? That road leads to unhealthy relationships.
There’s an old wisdom—that we often regret the things we didn’t do far more than the things we did. I’ve decided this sentiment doesn’t apply to kids—it is far better to regret the children you didn’t have than regret the ones you did have.
Sure, sometimes, when my love holds babies (rare that it currently is due to COVID), it does something funny to my ovaries, but that’s simple, basic biology.
However, I am far more than my genetic programming.