Sometimes I wonder what kind of teacher I could have been had I been properly medicated for my thyroid issue. I don’t think I would have exactly been Jaime Escalante, but still. I think I could have been a lot more fun… or perhaps a lot less secretly miserable.
Sometimes, I wonder if my students knew how horrible I felt. They probably did; you can’t hide stuff like that from kids.
This jogging thought brought to you by Zombies, Run! as I prepare to run (let’s be real, jog maybe) a 5K next month. My next step in my fitness journey is to actually do cardio, which, historically, has mostly made me yearn for death within moments of starting.
But, I visited my doctor recently, had some bloodwork done, am 100% properly medicated, and now? Running isn’t so bad. Hell, I actually had fun running with my wrinkly doggo.
It makes me wonder how many other people mistakenly believe they’re just “lazy” when they very well may have a very real (and either under-diagnosed or undiagnosed entirely) health problem that makes their efforts that much more difficult.
Maybe laziness doesn’t really exist.
Maybe we all really are just doing our best with how we show up in the world and the resources we have. I told myself for so long that it was me: I was the problem.
Internalizers gonna internalize, I guess. There’s a balance there between things I can control (usually myself) and the external things that happen to me through no fault of my own. I’m learning to look at that difference a little more critically these days. 🙂