I wish my grief didn’t look like anger, because she’s my companion whether I like it–reject her, welcome her, plan a party for her–or not.
Category Archives: Nonsense
How I (eventually) learned to leave relationships that weren’t right for me.
A dear friend of mine seems to think I am far more resilient than I actually am. Why? In my late twenties, I took a long, hard look around me, and ultimately walked away from people I loved.
Why was I able to look at people I loved, people who weren’t all bad (just bad for me), and decide enough was enough–and actually walk away?
Jogging Thoughts: What Could Have Been With Medicine
Sometimes I wonder what kind of teacher I could have been had I been properly medicated for my thyroid issue. I don’t think I would have exactly been Jaime Escalante, but still. I think I could have been a lot more fun… or perhaps a lot less secretly miserable.
On Healthy Relationships: Maybe Love *Should* Be Conditional
When I was younger, the most romantic thought in my head was that someone could love me unconditionally, in spite of all my flaws and faults and myriad poor life choices–so I made that my goal in my endeavors. To be able to love people (friends, family, romantic partners) without conditions. That road? The road of absolute, unconditional, “I will do anything, put up with anything, sacrifice anything for you” kind of love? That road leads to unhealthy relationships.
It’s 2 a.m. and I am in so much pain.
I woke up because every muscle in my body is on fire. Existing hurts. I did ten minutes of light yoga and walked 9k steps yesterday. The day before, I completed four exercises with 6lb weights or body weights. This isn’t DOMS. This is an autoimmune flare. Again. Sunday, I felt great. Good enough toContinue reading “It’s 2 a.m. and I am in so much pain.”
Why Planning Ahead is Hard with an Autoimmune Condition
I realize today why I hate making plans: I never know how I will feel in the future. I never know if I will have to cancel, or if I will have grit my teeth and force myself through it in the name of being a good friend, a good daughter, a good ally, a good person.
Only to collapse after.
My Memory List: An Exercise For Mental Health
My lovely friend Mindy does this fascinating thing where, at the start of a given year, she writes down all the memories she wants to create — and then blogs about them as she intentionally makes those memories, a loving time capsule of joy.
I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a glorious exercise in positive mental health.
On Identity and Grief: I Am Not One Thing
Who wants to read from every chapter in a very jumbled and random book? It’s then that I realize: there it is again, that very complicated grief.
The only person who’d want to read that book would be…
Favorite Toys & First Memories
Today’s bloganuary post (“What was your favorite toy as a child?”) ties into something I’ve been tossing around in my heart — the concept of first memories and their impact on you and relationships. In my first memory, I was clutching my favorite toy, a stuffed puppy, and screaming for my mother. I was somewhereContinue reading “Favorite Toys & First Memories”
What advice would you give your teenaged-self?
New Life Learning: Taking up joyful space on purpose goes beyond merely being. It’s in the joyful doing–sloppily, messily, colorfully doing!
I don’t know how we can each have twenty-four hours in a given day, and yet it can vary so. Much. In how long they each, one by one, take to pass. Today has been the second longest day of my life. The longest was the one I sat by my dying mother’s bedside. Today,Continue reading “24”
Putting Myself First with ADHD
The last time I remember (unintentionally) putting myself first, I was probably in high school; I was happy, I was healthy, and I was failing. Is it possible to put my wellness first AND be a fully functioning adult with ADHD? Let’s find out!